Dealing with weirdos allsorts- photogs, creepers, starers...
One of the less nice sides of wearing a flashy style like lolita is public response. Lots of people will think you look adorable, which is great, but you will also run into less pleasant people and often girls, especially newer lolitas, don't know how to deal with someone like that. In this blogpost I want to share some tricks that have worked for me in the past to shoo off less than pleasant folks.
Photographers
These come in many shapes and sizes! Of course if someone politely asks for your picture that's usually fine, the only times I personally refuse are when I'm in a serious hurry or if the person asking is a single man because I can't be sure exactly why they want my picture. Couples and women are more likely to think you just look cute and kids almost always want a picture with the pretty princess. As long as they ask nicely I'm totally fine with it. The problem arises when the person doesn't ask at all. The first thing you want to do is signal politely that this is not appropriate, either by going up and asking or gesturing if you don't want to get up and go over to them. Sometimes people think the meetup is a public event and pictures are fine, or they really didn't realize people might not like being photographed- these are usually older ladies who were just super excited about seeing girls in petticoats again. Other people however might realize full well they're being rude and just don't care. Some tricks to deal with these are cover your face with a fan, your hands etc, or block yourself from view with an umbrella. If they're being really rude, go for a middle finger, but realize this could work aggravating. You can also go the opposite direction and stare them down angrily, right into the camera lens. What you want to archieve is to ruin the picture by making it very clear you did not consent to this. This will make the photographer more hesistant to share the pictures (either online or with friends) because even if they're fine with being dicks, usually they don't want their (online) friends to know what they did. An event a few years back gave away "no pictures please"-fans in their goodiebags which is absolutely genius. Just pop up your fan and the hint will be very clear.
Clothesgrabbers
Unfortunately there are people who think it's okay to just grab your skirt or lift it up to peek underneath. I haven't encountered too many of these, thank god. From my experience most of them are old ladies or kids, both with no ill intention. Simply explain you'd prefer not to have your skirt lifted/touched and usually people will get it. If they're of the "what the hell is this"-variety, pulling yourself away and stepping away usually makes your opinion clear without causing a scene. Don't try to be too polite by sidestepping a tiny bit, if you need to, walk a good 5 meters to show you noticed what they were doing and that you do NOT appreciate being touched. It's best not to spit acid back at them or yell about dress prices, both of which I've seen happen, as this just makes you seem jumpy/slightly crazy, plus people might think you're nuts for spending that kinda money on clothes and touch you even more.
Creeps
These are the worst in my opinion. I'm just out for tea and cake, I don't want peoples opinion on how sexy I look! The best way to deal with flirty/creepy comments is to not go along a millimeter. Ignore them, which will usually make them leave. If they stick around, tell them to sod off sternly. Try to come off confidently, tell you do NOT appreciate their comments and ask them to leave. If they go on the "but if you're out in those clothes-" route, don't get into it and defend yourself, you do NOT own them an apology or explanation for being outside in a frilly dress! If they are REALLY persistent or under the influence of something, notify staff, and don't be afraid of calling the police if necessary. If there's a guy in the group, preferrably someone not in lolita or ouji (group photographer, someones boyfriend) see if he's willing to tell the creeper to leave. Unfortunately many men still take other men more seriously than women.
Rude people
Possibly the most common negative people you will come across are people who don't go after you, but stare rudely, point or gossip (usually loudly so you can hear) or yell stuff from across the street. For most of these, the best response is to do nothing. Just keep doing your thing and ignore them, usually they quit pretty soon when they realize you're not going to get mad or cry, which is what they want to see. Keep going even if they get more persistent or loud, maybe shoot them a quick, mildly disappointed look to show that you did in fact notice them, you just don't give a f*ck. Don't worry if people yell or cause a big scene (unless someone gets violent, in which case, call the police). Just be quiet and do your thing, guaranteed the people around you will think the person screaming for no reason is a LOT weirder than girls in dresses and often these people will realize that themselves fairly quickly. When I'm with friends we try to see the humour in some of the insults we get, bursting out laughing is not the response a rude person wants whatsoever. Some "insults" are so strange they can get downright funny! A friend and I were once aggressively meowed at in a mall, and I don't mean a sexy "meee-yow", I mean a very realistic kitty meow. We completely lost it and the guys who did it speedwalked away.
People in my area are less of the screamy type and more of the staring-pointing type. What I do when I notice someone is staring at me in a negative way (less "what is that" and more "LOOK AT THAT") is stare back. Being caught staring and gossiping is extremely embarrassing. If you do this and it works and they avert their eyes, keep staring for a few more seconds. 99% of the time they'll try to go back to their negative behaviour within a few seconds when they expect you to have turned away again. Being caught twice in a row is usually enough to get people to quit.
Now while there are negative responses to be had when you wear lolita, I can confidently say the positive far outweigh them. So if you're newer, keep these tips in the back of your mind, but don't let the thought ruin your day! You're way more likely to stumble upon little girls who are awestruck by seeing a real life princess, so wear what you want and have fun!
Photographers
These come in many shapes and sizes! Of course if someone politely asks for your picture that's usually fine, the only times I personally refuse are when I'm in a serious hurry or if the person asking is a single man because I can't be sure exactly why they want my picture. Couples and women are more likely to think you just look cute and kids almost always want a picture with the pretty princess. As long as they ask nicely I'm totally fine with it. The problem arises when the person doesn't ask at all. The first thing you want to do is signal politely that this is not appropriate, either by going up and asking or gesturing if you don't want to get up and go over to them. Sometimes people think the meetup is a public event and pictures are fine, or they really didn't realize people might not like being photographed- these are usually older ladies who were just super excited about seeing girls in petticoats again. Other people however might realize full well they're being rude and just don't care. Some tricks to deal with these are cover your face with a fan, your hands etc, or block yourself from view with an umbrella. If they're being really rude, go for a middle finger, but realize this could work aggravating. You can also go the opposite direction and stare them down angrily, right into the camera lens. What you want to archieve is to ruin the picture by making it very clear you did not consent to this. This will make the photographer more hesistant to share the pictures (either online or with friends) because even if they're fine with being dicks, usually they don't want their (online) friends to know what they did. An event a few years back gave away "no pictures please"-fans in their goodiebags which is absolutely genius. Just pop up your fan and the hint will be very clear.
Clothesgrabbers
Unfortunately there are people who think it's okay to just grab your skirt or lift it up to peek underneath. I haven't encountered too many of these, thank god. From my experience most of them are old ladies or kids, both with no ill intention. Simply explain you'd prefer not to have your skirt lifted/touched and usually people will get it. If they're of the "what the hell is this"-variety, pulling yourself away and stepping away usually makes your opinion clear without causing a scene. Don't try to be too polite by sidestepping a tiny bit, if you need to, walk a good 5 meters to show you noticed what they were doing and that you do NOT appreciate being touched. It's best not to spit acid back at them or yell about dress prices, both of which I've seen happen, as this just makes you seem jumpy/slightly crazy, plus people might think you're nuts for spending that kinda money on clothes and touch you even more.
Creeps
These are the worst in my opinion. I'm just out for tea and cake, I don't want peoples opinion on how sexy I look! The best way to deal with flirty/creepy comments is to not go along a millimeter. Ignore them, which will usually make them leave. If they stick around, tell them to sod off sternly. Try to come off confidently, tell you do NOT appreciate their comments and ask them to leave. If they go on the "but if you're out in those clothes-" route, don't get into it and defend yourself, you do NOT own them an apology or explanation for being outside in a frilly dress! If they are REALLY persistent or under the influence of something, notify staff, and don't be afraid of calling the police if necessary. If there's a guy in the group, preferrably someone not in lolita or ouji (group photographer, someones boyfriend) see if he's willing to tell the creeper to leave. Unfortunately many men still take other men more seriously than women.
Rude people
Possibly the most common negative people you will come across are people who don't go after you, but stare rudely, point or gossip (usually loudly so you can hear) or yell stuff from across the street. For most of these, the best response is to do nothing. Just keep doing your thing and ignore them, usually they quit pretty soon when they realize you're not going to get mad or cry, which is what they want to see. Keep going even if they get more persistent or loud, maybe shoot them a quick, mildly disappointed look to show that you did in fact notice them, you just don't give a f*ck. Don't worry if people yell or cause a big scene (unless someone gets violent, in which case, call the police). Just be quiet and do your thing, guaranteed the people around you will think the person screaming for no reason is a LOT weirder than girls in dresses and often these people will realize that themselves fairly quickly. When I'm with friends we try to see the humour in some of the insults we get, bursting out laughing is not the response a rude person wants whatsoever. Some "insults" are so strange they can get downright funny! A friend and I were once aggressively meowed at in a mall, and I don't mean a sexy "meee-yow", I mean a very realistic kitty meow. We completely lost it and the guys who did it speedwalked away.
People in my area are less of the screamy type and more of the staring-pointing type. What I do when I notice someone is staring at me in a negative way (less "what is that" and more "LOOK AT THAT") is stare back. Being caught staring and gossiping is extremely embarrassing. If you do this and it works and they avert their eyes, keep staring for a few more seconds. 99% of the time they'll try to go back to their negative behaviour within a few seconds when they expect you to have turned away again. Being caught twice in a row is usually enough to get people to quit.
Now while there are negative responses to be had when you wear lolita, I can confidently say the positive far outweigh them. So if you're newer, keep these tips in the back of your mind, but don't let the thought ruin your day! You're way more likely to stumble upon little girls who are awestruck by seeing a real life princess, so wear what you want and have fun!
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